The Sure Thing

In my years as a part-time professional baker, I had the opportunity and creative freedom to make myriad different cupcakes and to meet many lovely people. I always enjoy trying to match a baked good with a personality. Does a person need delicate or bold flavors? Is the person outwardly shy but hiding a tangy, berry filling? I like to think I’ve done a very decent job of matching treats to people or events. But only one of these treats is guaranteed to get you real laid. [record scratch!] Back story? Back story: On at least two separate occasions and for two different people, I baked these tantalizing, rich cakes by request. In (at least) these two instances, the cakes were shared with a date and moments later…sexy times. This is how they got the name The Sure Thing.

It is a truth universally-recognized that peanut butter and chocolate make a delicious combination. I once knew a woman who claimed to dislike chocolate but this is only because I didn’t have adequate time to convince her. But what makes this permutation of America’s favorite flavor combination (citation needed) special is the richness of the cake and the unexpected, often unidentifiable flavor boost of molasses in the frosting. Enough foreplay!

For the cakes:

1 c unsweetened coconut milk
1 T apple cider vinegar
1 1/3 c flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 c unsweetened cocoa
1/3 c vegetable oil
1/2 c granulated sugar
1/4 c packed brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla

For the icing:

1/3 c shortening
3 T vegan buttery sticks (margarine is not vegan, by the way! I use Earth Balance)
1/2 c smooth peanut butter
2 T molasses
1 1/2 c powdered sugar
1 or 2 T unsweetened coconut milk (to achieve desired consistency)

15 (to be safe) cupcake tins and two cupcake pans

Step one: pour yourself a drink. I’m having my favorite, a champagne cocktail made with prosecco, gin and a little squeeze of citrus. Also, preheat the oven to 350.

Right. Pour the vinegar into the coconut milk and let sit to curdle a bit. While that is happening, combine all the dry ingredients in a smaller bowl (flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cocoa) and whisk them together until the color looks uniform.

In a larger bowl (or your mixing bowl if you’re into that sort of thing, you lazy minx), whisk together the oil and sugar. Add the curdled milk to this and mix carefully–it will be splashy.

Stir in the dry ingredients in three sections, a little at a time. Your batter shouldn’t be lumpy but try not to over-stir it. Fill the prepared cupcake tins 3/4 of the way with the batter. This recipe usually makes a couple of extra cakes, which is handy. But if you don’t have an extra cupcake pan, don’t worry about it. Stick them shits in the oven and bake for 18-20 minutes. Ovens vary quite a lot and can be more than a little temperamental. The way to know your cakes are done is to look at the tops. If they are puffy and you can see little bubbles that have popped on the surface, they are done. A smooth-textured cupcake will collapse when you take it out of the oven so be careful.

Whilst the cakes are baking, you can make the frosting. Whip the first three things, the fats, together until smooth and well-combined, then add the molasses. It will likely look a bit curdled and gross for a hot second but don’t worry, that goes away. Whisk in the powdered sugar in small batches. This is where you can pretend to be in potions class because the consistency is fun and tricky to achieve. Add powdered sugar and unsweetened coconut milk alternatively until the frosting is creamy and thick enough to stand up on its own when you pull the whisk out. Cheeky!

Let the cakes cool all the way before you frost them. This is the most annoying thing about baking, probably. But if you don’t wait, the frosting will melt and slide off and you will likely cry. So go ahead and let the cakes cool all the way before you frost them. Suriously. When it comes to frosting, you can be a fancypants and use a pastry bag and an exciting tip. But with The Sure Thing, I like to have that casual je ne sais quoi that only comes with the back of a spoon. DO NOT OVERFROST!!!!! Put about a tablespoon of frosting on the cake and then swirl it around with the back of the spoon. It may not look like enough frosting but it is. Don’t let Big Cupcake trick you into thinking you need a pound of frosting to enjoy a cupcake. They are probably hiding their weak cakes. Yeah! I said it.

Be careful who you share these with. You just may find yourself overcome with the vapors. Hera help us!

If you have any questions about this recipe, please let me know! Thanks for visiting my kitchen x


3 thoughts on “The Sure Thing

  1. I sure would love to see some pics of your delish foods. I’ve had your cupcakes before, and they are to die for! 😉 Great job on the blog KNH.

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